OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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