those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
