new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
