i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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