I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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