I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
