I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
