dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
