Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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