I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
