I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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