hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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