I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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