It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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