Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
someone get that fucking seahorse.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
