He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
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I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
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I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
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He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize