i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
