she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
