i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
How external is "for external use only"?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
