week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
