She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize