Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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