well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
