WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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