That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
