Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
