It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
