so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
operation have a gay friend backfired
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
