Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
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apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
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you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I did not marry a roomba.
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