I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Slut skills are useful in every country.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
