I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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