I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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