Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
