i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
