what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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