only you would photoshop your dick
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Is Oprah even human
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Randomize
