She went from zero to smokin in five shots
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
