If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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