Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
