I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
