well I can't set my house on fire every night
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
