So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
