ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
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just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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