It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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