I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
