Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
