so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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