There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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