I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
