oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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