listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
