i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
