Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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