am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
