just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
