She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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