I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
