Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
