You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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