she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I want a musical about memes.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
