I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We just shotgunned beers for America
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
