i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
