for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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