I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
if only i could text you this smell
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
