i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
"it" just moved
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
