Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
