If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
