You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
