I didn't shave. On purpose
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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