8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
try to milk me bitch
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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