this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
