I can't breathe out the right side of my face
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize