you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
