just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
